Most of us enjoy finding fresh sex toys to play with. A new vibrator or butt toy can jazz up an otherwise routine play session and add some spice. Most people become bored doing the same thing time after time. So to supplement or replace a stale sex life they watch porn, wishing they could be in the video clips. Others go to sites like chaturbate.com to get off. But what if we told you that you already own your best and cheapest sex toy? That’s right, your brain can supply you with an almost limitless ability to get your kink on.
Our brains are stronger and more versatile than a wand vibrator, and the imagination can create hotter stories than any kinky porn movie or erotic novel. We carry our brains around all the time. The challenge is finding the will to jump from thinking to doing. To get our kink on, we need a certain amount of self-confidence and courage to step into the unknown.
The kinky playroom is our stage
For us, BDSM is a sort of theater, but with real feelings, sensations, and emotions. Each play date is new and exciting because we want it to be. We create the roles and script, giving us the freedom to be our best and most vulnerable selves. The negotiation serves as a rehearsal or run-through because we’ve already scheduled that time together.
Another huge obstacle is the social stigma attached to BDSM. Although kinky imagery is widespread today, it’s still a taboo subject. Of course, doubt also factors into the equation. Most of us look in the mirror with an incredibly critical eye. We think that only certain people can wear fetish gear, we’ll look silly doing ______, or that we’re too old to start in BDSM. Even veteran kinksters can experience uncertainty when thinking about new frontiers to explore.
We once read an article that said many creative people are attracted to one or another fetish or kink. It makes sense because artists, actors, writers, etc, already possess an active imagination. Their brains are already wired for discovery and imagination. But the ability to imagine belongs to us all. We just need to believe in ourselves.
Practice makes perfect, and it’s fun!
Starting into kink as a couple, we never dreamed that we would one day build our own BDSM playroom, get into strap-on sex, or become rubber fetishists. There are many other examples, and you will likely identify with some of them with in your own life. The key is for each of us to find our kinky/ier self and step out.
So what does this look like from the nuts and bolts perspective? We strongly believe in communication between partners. Jot down notes about your fantasies and ideas for play and then talk about them with your partner(s). It’s also important to study the kink you hope to get into. Information is über-accessible today via e-books, the web, local S/M groups, and sex boutiques
Other resources are online channels that offer kinky education. Kink Academy offers great lessons, suggestions, and advice. Kink University has more explicit video lessons that are not only crazy kinky, but also very informative. Kinky books are even available in many libraries.
We strongly advocate learning before playing. Consent must be part of the conversation so you and your partner(s) can reach your full potential in a safe environment.
Oh, and have fun!
Yours in kink,
Amelie & Mark